Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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