It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
