either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
