I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
