why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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