He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
