my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
