do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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