Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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