It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
