Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
