Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
