i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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