So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
