So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
