Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
