So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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