you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
