No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Say something about gay babies.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
