I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
