Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
