i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
