my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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