It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
