First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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