My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
