In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
