I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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