I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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