using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
