Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
