I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
