You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
