This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
