You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just invented taco cereal.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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