Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
