I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
