I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
