walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
