Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
a search helicopter?!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
