She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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