Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
