My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
