i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Acid is not a monday night drug
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
