I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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