my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
