your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
