I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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