I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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