Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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