ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
