Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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