Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
