I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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