she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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