It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm really busy with my period
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