my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
