spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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