oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
